Certainly has been some time since I last posted. Don't worry, I didn't die. Thought about it, but I'm still alive.
I did a lot of thiking after my last post and the responses I received on it. I decided that I could not and would not change myself for anyone. If ever anyone decides to love me, then they shall do so for who I am rather than who they wish me to be. I'm only 21, I've got a long way to go and plenty more people to meet. Speaking of women, there are no more in my life and I dumped my girlfriend before she could get there. I received that "we need to talk text" and yes, she planned on dumping me. Apparantly, men who are uninterested in sex are unattractive and offputting. I reckon I'd have a better chance at love if I tried it out with men, I understand them more at least.
All that said, I was really depressed when I dumped my girlfriend. I spent days just lying on the couch, staring at the TV. I wasn't even watching, I have no idea what was on. I missed five days of work without really caring, and ended up being warned that if I missed anymore I'd be fired. That certainly made me get up - if I lose my job everything is gone. I'm only really just coming out of the whole thing, my mood is lifting a little and I've decided to take some of the advice one of my readers gave me. I'm leaving this town and I'm moving to London. I've already started looking for apartments there, and hopefully I'll be out of this place and on my way to the city by the end of the month. I'm job hunting in London too which will be incredibly exciting. I've never liked big cities or crowded places, but I figured that I should try something new and a city is right in the deep end of the metaphorical lake.
I can't wait to get out of the hole that has become my life.
Michael
Posted by
Watcher
5 comments:
so you've broken up with her... I don't know what to say..but I don't think that opting to having relationship with the same sex will make u less lonely. You don't sound homosexual to me. I mean, come on, don't give up. There's got to be that one special girl made to understand you completely and love you. Trust!
Trust in yourself, and I agree with Nenehfer...if you do find a new place/job, remember to start over how you want to be. Don't try and act like you aren't. Trust me, if you manage to keep up the pretence long enough, not only will you lose you, but you'll forget how to BE you, which is a terrible feeling. Be you and people will accept you, difference is what makes us stronger. I admire your willingness to go right in at the deep end! I have too much GAD and SAD for that! I wish you the best of luck in your home and job hunt :) Stay you. Stay strong
Thank you both for your support and advice, you have no idea how much it means to me. I shall do my best to remain strong and wait for that special someone to enter my life. You two have been most kind. :)
You are welcome. Have you looked at joining an online forum for things you like? A while back I joined a wordy forum and everyone there is extrememly nice, my computer died and I was missing for a month or so and they sent me e-mails asking after me and when I got back it was wonderful to have people welcoming me back. It really helps having people from around the world who you can post with and who enjoy your presence :) (I am a member of the AWAD forum if you wish to look at it)
You know, Anon, a forum might be just the thing I need for meeting new people. I'm more confident over the internet and perhaps that will help me in person too.
What's the AWAD forum? I might take a look. :)
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