Musings of an Unimportant Self

Sounds like a rather dismal title. Promise you it's not as dark as it may sound. Moving to a new place, having a new apartment (no matter how messy and beat up) and knowing no one except myself (and that's untrue, I don't know myself) was the best thing I ever did. I have spent most of the past 11 or so days cleaning up in between shifts at work. Why? Well, there's a very good reaosn for that and I plan to show ou all right now...just look below.

My Black Alsation puppy!

I have never loved anything as much as I have loved this dog and I've had him what, two days? His name is Ares, after the Greek god of war (if you can't tell by my profile picture I quite like Ancient Greece) and he's incredibly friendly. Man, I love this dog. Best thing that ever happened to me. Without a doubt.

Well, he was the main thing I wanted to share with you all. The reason for the long road to recovery is my recovery from depression, something that I plan to get over and with a new start to life will. My forst step was to chuck the anti-depressants. You might think it a bad idea, but it was done and it's a huge help having nothing to take. I'm not going to lie, the road will be long and very, very hard, but I will get there in the end. I'm 21, I'm young. I can do this. Tomorrow, I'll probably be wallowing in self pity and feeling as though I'll never get forward, but today at least I'm feeling kinda positive.

Until we meet again, reader.

Michael

I have to apologise for lack of updates. It's been over a month, I know. Not that any of you were worried, but I feel I owe you all an apology.

So, last time I posted I believe I was about to move into my London apartment and start my new job. You may be pleased to discover that I have done just that - I've unpacked all my boxes and started work. I have to say thatnk you to those of you who read my blog and commeted, persuading me to start again. Already it's really helped me out and I'm feeling like a better person. My apartment is a little on the small side, but I don't really need much space. As long as I can eat, sleep and store my books safely, I'm a very happy man indeed. I haven't done much with the furniture yet, even though the furniture left in the apartment is a little depressing. The couch is stained with alcohol and blood, the floor is scuffed and I'm really not sure what's stained the walls (I don't think I want to know either). I'll get 'round to it eventually, I just need to make some more money first.

I found two jobs to keep me occupied. The first is at the bookstore and the second at the library. It's quite nice actually. I work four days at the bookstore and three at the library, very few days off and half decent pay. It's not a bad life so far really. My colleagues are rather friendly, and whilst I'm not great when it comes to social communication with them, I'm trying and they seem to be patient enough. You could almost say that they were encouraging me to speak. It's a strange feeling, the one of acceptance. It fills you with this warm pleasure...something that's almost tingly and refreshing. It's a beautiful feeling.

As for relationships - I have none. Ive decided to give it a break, think about where I'm going and who I plan on spending time with. In the mean time, I think I'll get a dog, I've always liked them and they make good companions.

Until next time, reader,

Michael

No, I'm not lying. I have never been to the cinema before. Sure, I've watched films on DVD before, but I've never gone out to see them because such an event has never been something I was particularly bothered about, especially with no friends to go with.

However, yesterday was different. I went to see a film called The Three Muskateers with my wonderful new woman. I have to say, it was quite a lot of fun, and although the loud noises gave me quite a shock (I never knew cinemas were quite that loud) I throuroughly enjoyed it. The acting was alright and the story was a bit of fun, and the fact that she was there made everything that little bit better. I even braved eating out at a restaurant afterwards which was nicer than expected. We ate at a little place called Nandos where they served chicken burgers and such things (never even thought of having chicken in a burger before!). It was actually rather tasty and I think I will end up going there again becuase their food was just so good. I'd never really eaten out before except with my parents as a child, when I grew into a teenager I stopped going out completely.

So yes, short post today, but I felt this was important to share. After all, I haven't been this happy in a long time. Are any of you readers as happy as I am right now? If so, why? If not, how come?

Michael

I have often pondered the meaning of life. Whether it is for pro creation, for personal enjoyment, or if there is even a meaning at all. Recently, I stopped wondering what my purpose was and what kind of set goal I had to fill. Instead, I started living life for me, and that was all that mattered.

I have found that the important thing in life is to live without regret and to do what you want rather than what is expected. I'm not an old man, I'm still young at 21, and I have a lot to learn about life and many corners to turn without knowing who or what lies around the bend. I have yet to experience love, powerful friendship and passion. There has been so much that lay dead inside of me, begging for life but never being given any of it.

There is no one in my life to share the meaningless activity of every day life with, and so here I suppose I can post it, and perhaps some people will find it interesting, perhaps they won't. Life is an important thing, a wave of immense power that can destroy you or make you stronger at any moment - often when you least expect it.

I'm not a significant person, nor will I ever be. However, to some the musings of my unimportant self may be interesting, even helpful. If I can provide that, I will.


Until we meet again, reader,

Adieu.