Musings of an Unimportant Self

I went over to my friend Richard's house last night. The word friend is strange to type considering I've never truly had one. It makes me smile because the word is so authentic this time. Anyway, Richard and Wendy are my work colleagues and I must say, they can really cook. I've always been suspicious of others, especially when it comes to their cooking and I will always find a way to decline their food. This time, however, I talked to myself about it whilst I was driving to their home. I told myself that being this way about food and people was no way to live and would only force me deeper and deeper down. So I talked myself down, I beat my suspicions into the ground and I was pleased with myself for what I did. I ate their food. I ate it, and even though there were moment when I felt nothing but fear and regret, I kept going and I persevered. I've done pretty well. Very pleased with myself, I have to say. I know I've said that a few times now, but I really am. I was grinning like a fool on the way home through pride and pride alone. That, and they cook such fantastic food.

A lot has happened these past few months. I had a girlfriend for around 15 days, who dumped me after I refused to engage in sexual intercourse with her. I left my dead-end job where I received nothing but abuse. I packed up and moved down to London - one of the best decisions of my life, and one that would have never been made witout my fantastic readers. I got a job doing something I like. I bought an Alsation puppy (who I love dearly). I cut down my medication, and although it was tough, it's getting better because I'm trying. I'm actually giving a damn about what happens in my life. The past 22 years of my life have seemed so worthless until now. I realize that I can get better and whilst there are still bad days where I don't want to get out of bed, there can only be light around the corner. Only light.

Michael