If you had told me a few weeks ago that a woman in my life would change everything - I would have looked at you a though you were some loon. You would have been right, though. A woman changes everything. I don't mean in terms of sex - I haven't even thought about going that far - I am instead referring to the feeling of companionship and that weird warmth you get from being with another person.
I don't know how long it's been since I last posted, perhaps a few days? Either way, I have had such a wonderful time with this woman (who I shall not name) that all sense of time has flown past me and my world seems to revolve only around her. I feel somewhat light, as though some great weight has been lifted from my shoulders, and yet I can only feel that it will not last as long as I should like. After all, she's bound to leave me in a sobbing heap one day. There are things abbout me she does not know, and should not know for if she discovers them she will surely leave me. Fear not, it isn't murder or something awful like that. Nothing like that at all. Merely things in my head that make me...different from other people. Things thatmany would claim to be abnormal or inhuman. Once she discovers these traits I fear she will leave me, and if she does I fear my heart my break into so many pieces that it shall never be fixed again. It may have only been a week or so since I met her, but I can honestly say that I love her and care for her with all my heart.
We went out for coffee yesterday. I tend not to travel to places outside my home (bar going to work) and so it was a relatively new experience for me. The shuffling and hassling of grouchy people made me feel a little uneasy, but her slender hand was wrapped around my own and I knew I would be safe. Some might laugh at the fact that I, a man, would have to rely on a woman for protection, but I don't see it that way. In a relationship you protect each other from different things and one of the things she needed to protect me from was my social anxiety. I couldn't even talk to the staff member to order my drink. Being an understanding person, my lovely girlfriend (such a great word) ordered it for me.
So great a thing it is to be in love.
Michael
I have often pondered the meaning of life. Whether it is for pro creation, for personal enjoyment, or if there is even a meaning at all. Recently, I stopped wondering what my purpose was and what kind of set goal I had to fill. Instead, I started living life for me, and that was all that mattered.
I have found that the important thing in life is to live without regret and to do what you want rather than what is expected. I'm not an old man, I'm still young at 21, and I have a lot to learn about life and many corners to turn without knowing who or what lies around the bend. I have yet to experience love, powerful friendship and passion. There has been so much that lay dead inside of me, begging for life but never being given any of it.
There is no one in my life to share the meaningless activity of every day life with, and so here I suppose I can post it, and perhaps some people will find it interesting, perhaps they won't. Life is an important thing, a wave of immense power that can destroy you or make you stronger at any moment - often when you least expect it.
I'm not a significant person, nor will I ever be. However, to some the musings of my unimportant self may be interesting, even helpful. If I can provide that, I will.
Until we meet again, reader,
Adieu.
